I want to tell you how Juan saved my life…daily.
Not too long before meeting Juan, my whole being just shut down, and I had to check myself into a psychiatric ward for a while. Nobody knew, and I didn’t feel like explaining. How could I? I couldn’t even explain it to myself.
In my room I have this roof shingle I brought back from New Orleans awhile back. Juan and I were supposed to go there for Mardi Gras, if I had learned how to say “forget about it” to the rat race more often. Something I am still learning how to do. Painted on the shingle is the following saying:
A TRUE FRIEND SEES THROUGH THE ACT
BUT STILL ENJOYS THE SHOW
Juan and I, we could see each other for the actors we were.
And so we’d check in on each other.
Often just a hug from him was what got me through the day.
And to answer his question, the one he never asked, but I always told him the answer to anyway, even when I thought he got sick of me saying it: Yes, I believe in you! Yes, I love you man!
I wasn’t close to Juan, and yet I was. I knew very little about him, and yet I knew all I needed to know. I say that in the sense that if you know a genius and understand or identify with a tiny fraction of him, his feelings, his intellect, you ally yourself with him in friendship. As if you’re the only two who understand the world sometimes (or are completely confused by its insanity). As if you’re on the same level. But I knew that I was out of my league. Just look at all the people he inspired while he was here. I just feel honored to have known the little of him that I did.
I have no proof of our friendship. No video recordings, all the saved phone messages and emails too soon deleted, not even any pictures. Just some awesome memories combined with the fact that I am still here, still alive, still breathing, in large part because of Juan.
Missing him BIG TIME!
La Cubana